My pal Elaine asked me to come and talk to the Girl Guide troop she runs about being an author. This was part of a evening devoted to giving the girls ideas about what sort of job they’d like in later life, so we had a doctor, a chief and a teacher (all women) and me.
The doctor, the chief and the teacher didn’t have a problem I had; convincing the kids I wasn’t an Evil Genius. The problem was my name.
If I had to put my hand on my heart and own up, I have to say I’m not crazy about the name “Dolores”. Hardly anyone can spell it and precious few can say it from a standing start. When I was a kid, my friend Anne’s mother used to sing an old Bing Crosby number, How I love the kisses of Dolores, every time I walked through the door. This was trying.
Moving on to secondary school, we did Latin. Wow. What an absolute scream. I mean, it’s bad enough trying to address a table (mensa, mensam, mensae – who wants to say all that to a table?) followed by the side-splitting moment when we – we being thirty-five thirteen year-olds, all anxious to point out one another’s shortcomings - reached the Third Declension and My Name was declined, so to speak.
Dolor, Doloris, Dolori, Dolorem, Dolore in the singular (and there was only one of me) or Dolores, Dolorum, Doloribus, and - I know it sounds like repetition but it’s the Accusative and Ablative - back to Dolores and Doloribus.
At this point Life teaches us it could be worse. I mean, I could have been Doloribus… Which sounds as if a kind Municipal Authority runs a transport service just for Me, but would (I feel this instinctively) have caused Hilarity.
The trouble is, however you decline it, the word Dolores means Pain, Grief and Suffering.
And I’d decline all that, no problem.
It’s because of the meaning of the word Dolores that JK Rowling bestowed the name Dolores on Professor Umbridge, Ministry of Magic employee, sometime Headmistress of Hogwarts, a woman whose idea of detention is to make Harry repeatedly carve on the back of his hand, in his own blood, the words, I must not tell lies. Add to that, being the most boring teacher in the world, undermining Dumbledore, flinging anyone in prison who disagrees with her and setting the Dementors loose in Little Whinging, Surrey, and you get a picture of an all-round bad egg. I mean, Voldermort is utterly evil, but Dolores Umbridge is just pants.
So, the girl guides reacted with alarm when Elaine brightly said, “Here’s Dolores!”
At least they didn’t sing Big Crosby at me. And Harry Potter was a good place to start talking about books.
But I still remember the wise words of Bertie Wooster, addressed to Jeeves; “My word, Jeeves, there’s some raw work at the font!”
Exactly.
I posted this yesterday and discovered too late that I'd put it in the wrong box! WordPress is misleading...yes, I know, it's a bad workman and all that. But oh dear, your thoughts about your name did indeed bring back those school Latin lessons! Declining and conjugating (which sounds like a summary of scenes from a French film.) As to names, having never read any Harry Potter (I suppose I ought to add “yet”, but I’ve no immediate plans to,) I hadn’t realised the possibilities inherent in Dolores. I always thought of it as exotic – in fact till I met you, I’d have said anyone called Dolores was likely to be Dolores Da Silva, a South American heiress, rich beyond the dreams of avarice…that’s what the name conjured up. Perhaps that’s your true identity, and being a good fiction writer, you’ve made yourself a double life? In which case, when the next silver mine dividends pay out, don’t forget your friends. Meanwhile, I reckon Dolores is a more exciting handle than Jane, anyhow.
ReplyDeleteLeav
I'd certainly go for being a Proud Spanish Beauty or some slinky temptress.... Dream on.
ReplyDelete(Been away, but better late than never?) You could be worse off. I came across a Canadian article on the cabbage maggo. Its Latin/species name? Delia radicum.
ReplyDeleteoops that should read 'maggot'.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds rather sweet, actually. It would never occur to me to name maggots, but I suppose they have feelings and might appreciate being called something other than "Uggh!"
ReplyDelete