Assiduous readers might have noticed (!) that I’ve recently published a book on Amazon’s Kindle. Now, one of the ways that a basically idle writer can escape work (ie, the hard stuff where you sit down and actually make the stuff up) is by dickering about on a computer. You know the sort of thing: read the emails, reply to the emails, read all the emails on any lists you subscribe to (Crime Through Time and DorothyL in my case) reply to same, check the lyrics on Google of that song that you can’t place, and – and this is a real trap – check your ratings on Amazon. Geesh, that takes time! I can’t tell you how long you can nosy round Amazon, gently reassuring yourself it’s sort of work. This is the sort of inner dialogue that goes on.
CONSCIENCE: Well, here we are, bright and early, ready to start work, yes?
SELF: Let me just see what the rest of the world is up to, yes?
CONSCIENCE: You could do some work first.
SELF: Whimper! What if the editor’s emailed? I can’t miss that, can I?
CONSCIENCE: Okay, just check. See? There’s nothing there that can’t wait.
SELF: But… But… I need to see if anyone’s left a review on Amazon. (BRIGHTLY) I need to know about that, don’t I?
CONSCIENCE: Do it later!
SELF: Now! Want it now! (IN DEFIANCE OF CONSCIENCE LOGS ONTO AMAZON)
CONSCIENCE: (THWARTED, CONSCIENCE RETIRES INTO A CORNER AND SULKS.)
This is roughly the sort of thing that happens most mornings. However, every so often, SELF scores the winning goal, so to speak. You see, the thing about Amazon is that the ratings are updated every hour, and if some kindly-minded individual (or even small groups of same) has bought your book that’ll send your ratings soaring. And if you don’t check your ratings NOW, as SELF would say, you’ll never know that for one brief shining moment, you’ve actually blipped on the Top Anything. And yesterday morning, after CONSCIENCE and SELF had had their usual knock-down, drag-out fight, SELF proudly reported to CONSCIENCE that – wait for it – Frankie’s Letter was Number 76 in Kindle’s Action and Adventure category, Number 14 in Spy Stories and Tales of Intrigue (Incidentally, when was the last time you logged onto Amazon and thought, “D’you know what, I fancy a Tale of Intrigue” or, when the partner of your joys and sorrows says, “What are you reading?” reply “A Tale of Intrigue, darling.”? My other half would think I was bonkers) and Number 9 – Number 9! – in British Detectives.
SELF had a celebration. CONSCIENCE has moodily admitted that SELF sometimes has a point.
I'd side with SELF against CONSCIENCE any day - in fact it's what I'm doing now, checking round my friends' blogs to see what's new when I ought to be creating deathless prose (well MS Word text anyway) about Aurelia in Roman Britain. And you found great results on Amazon - well done. I've never checked my ratings on the big A, too much of a coward, but next time CONSCIENCE gets too uppity I might just try it...
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